how do I give unsolicited feedback to a colleague?

Don't.

Or at least, don't start there.

That’s how I (eventually) responded to a question about feedback during a recent Chart Chat conversation with Jeffrey Shaffer, Steve Wexler, Andy Cotgreave, and Amanda Makulec. When the topic was raised, my first thought was that you should start by asking your colleague if they are open to receiving feedback.

You could do that, but can they really answer anything but the affirmative? It's a leading question for sure. The primary problem is that it is feedback on your terms, which can put your coworker unnecessarily on the defensive. You don’t know if they just came out of a rough meeting, are aware of others in earshot and might be embarrassed, aren’t at a point in their work that is ready for review, or if there are other factors that might make the timing or setting not right.

This isn't an awesome scenario to try to help someone get better, which I assume is the underlying goal (if it’s not, then you really shouldn’t share it).

Instead, do this:

Ask your colleague for feedback. Not just on anything, and not just for show. Be sincere. Ask for feedback on something important. Put yourself in the vulnerable position of feedback-requester-and-receiver first. Listen openly. Act on the feedback, incorporating it into your work. This models the behavior. It brings the concept of feedback and the value of it to the top of others’ minds. Then, you can offer to be a feedback-provider when it would be helpful (so it’s on their terms, not yours). As colleagues see your work improving as a result of the feedback they share, they will be more likely to start asking for your feedback, too.

I can hear the likely "But, what if..." questions that might be forming upon reading this. "But what if I'm the person's manager and part of my role is to give feedback?" It still behooves you to be thoughtful about your approach. Make the critique about the work or situation, not the individual. Take time to discuss not just what you would suggest doing differently, but also why. Consider the setting that will be most appropriate given the scenario (is it a quick change to something the team is working on, so it makes sense to direct it when everyone is present, or something more sensitive that should be discussed in private?). Do what you can to help the feedback be effectively received. This is better for you, and your employee.

"But what if I already work in a place where critique is commonplace?" If you're already in an environment where open, critical feedback is part of the normal day-to-day: be very appreciative about that (and recognize that to both say it and truly mean it is rare). In that case, you can probably just go ahead and give the feedback. But you should certainly be asking for it, too!

In my new book, storytelling with you, the important role of feedback comes up at several points. That’s because it can be useful to solicit input from others at various stages of a project. For example, you might ask for feedback on your rough plan of attack, draft slides and graphs, or delivery. Consider how you can use others’ input to make your own work stronger—and when and how you can offer feedback in helpful ways to others.